Pinkerous Pinkerton –editor, stuffed animal, alcoholic

He is a raging alcoholic. He is verbally abusive at times. Nonetheless, there aren’t many stuffed animals as smart as Pinkerous. Starting a fake magazine was his idea. He told us he would pay the bills and for weed. He would also keep the refrigerator stocked. This was only if we wrote fake articles for this fake ass magazine.

We don’t ask a lot of questions like… how does a stuffed animal pay for everything? Or…how is a stuffed animal capable of paying taxes and owning land…or a business?

We don’t ask those questions. It’s a fake magazine for crying out loud!

Old Skool Joe – Senior writer, retired rapper, self-proclaimed fantasy sports expert, pothead

Old Skool Joe claims he was a rapper with many fans in the 1980s. Still, no one I know has ever heard of him. I guess he is retired…he constantly mentions making a comeback album. Yet, all I ever see him do is smoke weed. He just yells about what happened at the Fish Joint.

Spaceman Jones – Senior writer, space traveler, deep thinker, total pothead

Spaceman Jones is from outer space, or he is just a dude in an alien costume. One thing I do know is that this guy smokes a lot of marijuana! Strange bit of information: he drives a van with no tires, but he disappears for days…sometimes weeks.

Spaceman is a different dude.

He always has money, but I’ve never seen him go to work.

But again, we don’t ask questions…this is still a fake magazine.

Fame Felon – The Dick Ebersol of the page, President of the 46sports roundtable, retired rapper, pothead, 

Fame Felon is the senior president of the 46forum sports division. Back in the 1980s he was in a rap group with Old Skool Joe, they went by Dr. Franks and DJ Lazyboy. He was lost to the streets for a while. He has since retired from that life to help us do sports reporting for our fake magazine.

Nikki Free – Ukulele rap artist and film maker, speaks in third person, part time pothead

Nikki Free speaks in the third person, but when she gave us her business card, we almost called the authorities. It turns out she meant rap artist. Her and Spaceman Jones are always getting into some crazy adventure. But mostly she chills here watching reality TV with us.

Goliath – Dog, security