Dear Dr.S,

Sorry to bother you, but I find my self in a bit of a pickle. See I met a young lady online, and decided to meet her at the pub for drinks. When I met her she looked nothing like her profile picture, and I know you always say beware of the three-quarter selfie, but she had a pretty face, with large heaving breasts, so I took a chance. Anyways so things were going great at the bar, and after a few drinks we decide to go back to my place. We are on my bed and things are starting to get hot and heavy when all of a sudden she passes out face down, and then she farted. So I had to evacuate and now I am currently in the parking lot at the gas station down the street. I am extremely nervous, and unsure about my next course of action. If you can assist me in this matter most urgently doc please.

Sincerely,

Shadow Von Buren

A.K.A

The Shadow