I am tired. I been cooking. I been grinding. I been taking my mind to places of peace. Teaching kids the ways of flavor. Watching them hit homeruns that use to be my same swings. Now though, life is different. Life is not about me. Though I’m still a G with a life of 3, he who was me, is in me but has somehow gone missing. So I know that I have grown.

In retrospect… I’m stuck. There are so many people and memories that I have locked away. Set aside pieces of time that are in my heart. Places my mind still wanders to. If I explained it all, you might say it was nothing new, or that I lived in a fucking zoo. Some of you might cheer, but at the time, you know you booed. Such is the way. So it is my weight that I carry. And I can hold you up too. And that’s what it is…

My thought of retrospect is this… it is working restaurants. It is living in constant pressure and laced severely in doubt. It is crying for your friends, who do often become family. It is entertaining perfect strangers who come to pay for just a taste and we don’t want to leave in haste and so often we feel as if we are a waste… bit it was a long day let’s get wasted.

It is supporting each other with a cause. To better tomorrow in some type of starved thinking that leaves us vulnerable, open…. to feel as if we must. 2 minutes. It’s coming right up.

And we pour out a drink for our friends. You remember how much we hated each other back then? It never mattered once I never saw you again and that list of names just keeps growing. For Emily. For Tim. Benji Dubs were my friends. Kuzmal and one eye Cliff. Darius at the Lobster, like outkasts, smoking a spliff… we grind. We won. We lost… We learned and we have grown. The memories are wet in my eyes.

Dr. S will never die. Old School Joe might never cry. Those boys battled the Father of Nothing. Satan is in their pocket and they mingle with the goats. I miss so many people and I feel kinda choked…. But it is today and I cooked instead of buying yay. Ooooohhhhhhh. #letitbeknown