How come Jackie Chan never gets the girl in any of his movies? I mean maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like he gets nervous around women in all of his movies.

If I spent all that time doing karate, and helping women with their problems, then I would at least want an over the pants hand job from the lady I was saving.

I’m just saying.

The best thing about working at a fake magazine is we get to watch Jackie Chan movies all day, and smoke tons of sweet sticky bud.

Spaceman Jones signing off.