(hits bong)

What the fuck is Harry Potter complaining about? He gets to go to magic school!

When I was in school it was considered a stellar day if Doris the lunch lady didn’t get cigarette ashes in our slop, and this motherfucker wants to complain about his life?

(hits bong)

I wonder if I could get a job as a janitor at a magic school?

I bet they have all kinds of potions and shit to help me grow the greatest magic weed ever.

Plus I could ride my mop to work…you know because of the magic and shit.

(hits bong)

Do we have any waffles? I sure am hungry.

-Spaceman Jones signing off.